I've been keeping a secret....

Before I get to that, I've never written a blog before so not sure how this will go, or how often, but I feel it might be the right place to share some longer thoughts, hopes and random chit chat. 

So before anyone jumps to conclusions, my secret is not that I'm pregnant!!

Although it has been a little life changing, not as much as a bonus poppet, but the change has meant things have shifted...

You see, like many small businesses, things slowed down a lot for me last year.

Well, if I'm being honest, it never really picked back up to where it was after having my smallest person.

Whether it was being time poor, the juggle, or just not being ever present on social media like it kinda feels like you have to be these days.

And, as we all know, all the things went up in cost: groceries, insurance, school fees (#sigh) and I needed to make some changes and pay some bills.

Sooooo as much as I didn't want to, I got a part time job. Thankfully, this process was very easy. I saw one ad, applied and got the job, so that part was easy.

But I also kinda felt like a failure as a business owner that I had to find outside work. I still had regular customers and orders, but not enough to pay the bills (business expenses of insurance, Shopify, Xero and all the things added up too). Its hard to admit that you need help, and that your business didnt quite go how you planned. Sometimes ai wonder if im not hungry enough for it, but at the same time, I want to keep family as a priority as much as possible, so therefore I cant spend every waking moment thinking about the biz, I need to do the fun stuff too! 

I've always been pretty honest about what's happening with Rattamatatt, so I thought to myself, "I'll say something once I've settled in and got a few weeks under my belt"... but I didn't. I just kept chugging along. But then they increased my hours, and the juggle became much harder.

I really wanted to keep my "Mummy and Dottie" days just as they should be- full of fun, wonder and enjoying the time before she starts school. Like today we have swimming lessons, and we plan to go op shopping, watch a movie with popcorn plus i will sneak in some work too....

So I've been clocking on again at night doing my Rattamatatt from 8ish–11 (or later), which is fun, but tricky as a non-'late nighter' when I've also worked all day.

So now I spend some days wearing all black (that part really does not make me happy- black sneakers and all black, it's kinda like my happy dies a little each time) but I do get to play with an embroidery machine all day on those black days and create people's logos on their work outfits... and that part is kinda fun!

But having the part time job has also freed up my creativity a little. I don't have to hustle for a sale. I've genuinely enjoyed getting to play and make and be in the moment for the orders that I have.

It's been fun to relax a little, not hustle and enjoy the Rattamatatt process more.

The juggle is still there, and I'm trying to find a balance of how to fit it all in. I'm ok to admit that it's really hard, and I know many of us are in the same boat, trying to find that balance.

But I'm also really happy to do the juggle, and I'm not giving up on my dream to go back to full time Rattamatatt...... and I'm certainly not shutting shop!

But as it's now been 6 months of juggling (time flies when you're having fun, right?!), I figured I better actually share what's been happening.

I kinda felt like I was keeping a massive secret, and I like to think I've always been upfront about what's going on. I know its probably not that big a deal, but I genuinely felt guilty about living a secret black clothing life! 

I'm hoping that I'll find a better flow with it and be able to keep creating magical, fun pieces that you like to wear!

And if you have any tips for trying to fit ALL the things into 1 day, please share with me and we can flounder along together!

It's funny how it's probably not that big a deal to some, but then others might gasp at the thought of 'going backwards' in business. But as you can see, it's been a roller coaster over here but I'm here and riding that roller coaster for all of it!

Kathryn x